isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
did i walk over a car last night?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
