i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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