Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
