I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
