so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
