I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Shame - the story of my life.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
