So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
