TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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