I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
This is the prime rib incident all over again
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
