WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
