I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
