i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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