Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
