You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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