Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
