DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
