Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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