I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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