He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
