College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
