You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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