Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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