If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
