pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
