bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
