no, he came in my armpit
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize