Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
