we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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