splinters make it hard to masturbate
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
