Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
