Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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