The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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