i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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