I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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