I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
