So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
