you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
