I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The air was thick with penises
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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