Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
