Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
