belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
