i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
