I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
