i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
