I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Randomize
