Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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