Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
