i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
