Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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