dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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