I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
