I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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