Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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