Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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