bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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