You can't special order awesome
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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