rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
