hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
